Reflection on the First Semester of Junior Year
Recently, I experienced two things that made me feel the need to reflect on myself over the past few years.
The first was that last night’s compiler test 1 did not pass. More specifically, the correct program did not produce the correct result. The compiler test reminded me of the Computer Organization test two years ago, and then I thought a lot.
The second was this morning’s quiz in compiler class. I completely could not do the second problem, and even if I wanted to copy someone else’s answer, there was nobody to copy from. The people around me were unreliable, and the reliable people were not around me. This made me realize again that only I myself am truly dependable. If I cannot rely on myself, then there is nobody I can truly rely on.
The Past
In freshman year, I complained that there were too many math classes. Everyone posted their timetables on Qzone and said things like, “I enrolled in the Computer Science department, not the Math department.” Looking back now, I was really too naive. In fact, now I like math classes the most, not CS classes. The reason is that at the time, the only major course was C language, and the Introduction to Computer Science Python course was indeed important for studying computing, but compared with current major courses, those were really too easy. For poor GPA, freshman year is the most important, because those math and English courses we disliked carried many credits. A senior student told me that your grades are basically determined in freshman year. Looking back now, that is indeed true, and I only feel more anger at my own incompetence.
In the first semester of sophomore year, I complained that Computer Organization was too hard and that Department 6 was no place for humans. Staying up late became routine; during exam season, two courses even required all-nighters, and I experienced chest tightness and heart pain. In the second semester of sophomore year, I complained that the OO system was inhumane, and I was lazy in OS labs and did not apply for excellence.
By junior year, when it was time to consider my future path, I discovered that others had set goals as soon as they entered college and had worked toward them for four years. Now they were about to harvest the fruit. But I discovered that many things were already far too late. For GPA, with the foundation from the first two years, it was already very hard to improve. For language exam scores, with my barely-passed CET-6 level and lazy habits, it was hard to entrust fate completely to that. For job hunting, entering top companies, and making big money, I had no competition experience and was terrible at algorithms, so much so that I shamefully apologized to excellent senior students. I feel like I really have become an Adou who cannot be helped.
Paths Forward
Graduate Recommendation
This is the most likely path and also the easiest path I am currently facing. But looking at my poor GPA, I am now powerless to turn the tide and can only be at others’ mercy. External recommendation is absolutely impossible, and I do not even dare guarantee staying at my own school, since there are still many extra-point items behind me.
Work
Just like my roommate zjy said, I know nothing, so what company would want me? My situation is similar to his. Although I have studied professional knowledge seriously for two and a half years, both the depth and suitability are far from market demand. tls naturally does not need to worry. With rich ACM experience here, whether studying abroad or entering an international top company, he is certainly on the path to the peak of life.
Study Abroad
Speaking of this, since spending two weeks in the UK in summer 2016, I unexpectedly developed the idea and courage to study abroad. I did not expect that half a year would pass and my sharp spirit would already disappear, but the belief remains. Although I do not have the courage to fight with my back to the river, I still have the stubbornness not to submit to fate.
Entrepreneurship
This option is left to others. I never even dare think about it. I have no capital, no network, no powerful father, no quality, and no courage.
The Future
New year, new semester. This year will at least determine the development of the next two years, and may even determine the fate of my whole life.
Keep going!